Only Destruction

Everything is wrong...
Am I in the wrong body? Have I been confused after I got born or what?
Did I take the wrong way earlier in my life? 

Have I destroyed too many lives to exist any longer? Or is someone out there who can tell me, that I am a good person?
Can someone pull me back and just tell me, that I am important? Someone who got a hard grip around my shoulder to hold me back, embrace me or even tell me, that I am loved by someone?

I do not see that... But sometimes, when the mist of hatred thins out, I am able to look at the world from a different... perspective...
Then it is pretty and I am happy.

But this happens not very often.
Most of the time I am suicidal...

I am afraid of going to school 'cuz everyone seems to have fun in mocking me. I am awarethat I am not much in school, but that is 'cuz I am fuckin' depressive at this day and all comments about my name or why I am not at school pull me deeper and deeper into the void of my depression.

And someday I can't get out of this void...
Maybe then these mockers see what they did to me.